A blog by Boo

A blog by Boo

A blog by Boo

Random stuff that I think about

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De-valuing v create value

September 12, 2011 4 Comments

I have been pondering on the Scottish Music Industry Awards review ‘fall out’. Now I am simply a music consumer, band supporter and non-music industry type. Two big things, sorry three had me excited about the Sunday Night in question 1. The Generate Radio Nomination 2. Suspire 3. My coat, or rather the chance to wear it.. ‘Jamie Avis’ created silk sumptuous say no more. Those 3 things alongside Sanjee Kholi who was a peach, delivered for me 100%. It is so so right to recognise effort, innovation, entrepreneurship, talent and all those good things. As an English woman in the Borders I am proud to be in Scotland and all its uniqueness and beauty… but there is not enough encouragement for young people, not that I can see. This ceremony therefore is important. If we de-value it then we are undermining all those for whom it represented a moment of pride, a moment of achievement, well just a moment… whatever it meant to them. I kinda don’t like that. If there were so many things not right about the event then put them right, put the value into the event, make it have the credibility that people felt it lacked. For me that’s the smart thing to do, so that next year when Generate Radio stand in the room their pride is shared and not trashed. For me, finding the best in everything is the way I spend my life, and you know its a good one. Young people Rock… they so do…..

From 2008 and my friend Bumble…

August 28, 2011

The Art of Concealment
My friend Colleen, with whom I haven’t been in touch since school, recently found me on Facebook. She’s a brilliant girl and we used to be in a punk band together. She was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. This piece is from her blog:
The Art of Concealment
posted on 09/01/2008 by Colleen

Coming clean – a rather long blog

I don’t generally talk about my illness, as it is something I don’t think about much. It’s not because I am brave it’s simply because I am busy, and being busy is the number one tonic for anyone with any kind of negative condition, in my opinion.

However it can be easy for people to not to notice the daily struggle patients like myself have, and that’s in part testament to the success in people like me learning concealment.

Concealment is a trick we use to hide the real extent of our problems and issues. I deploy it because I don’t want to be rumbled, that way I can control the level of information I give out about myself and the timing of that information too.
It’s a tricky balance, I don’t want people to make allowances for me but the reality is I probably need them to have a level of understanding.

As we enter 2008 and I feel the changes more than ever, perhaps its time to come clean..
Coming clean is really just my way of providing an insight to some of the weird stuff I find going on aside from the body that simply wont do as its told, insomnia, lack of appetite, constant nausea, and frustration (oh and taking tablets that would knock out a horse). It is bound to take you by surprise as it sure as hell bamboozles me!

Dyslexia, words, which have been my friends for so long, now come to me all tangled up. Clear educated decision making used to come naturally now I can spend half an hour deciding what colour pants to put on.

Despite being in a room full of people, bright, animated, inspiring, I can feel utterly alone.

Multi tasking is no longer a gift, gone are the days of being on ebay, the mobile, applying lipstick and gesturing for a glass of wine in the same moment. Instead this has been replaced by being overwhelmed most of the time (did I mention my trick of opening a wine bottle with an umbrella…oh the skills you acquire from an expensive education thanks to Dad, The Malvern Hills and Andy Strange)

And on top of all this I am emotional, sensitive, can feel paranoid, loose my thoughts and words mid sentence, and forget the simplest thing. Ha ha some of you would say ‘but I’m like that’ sure most of us feel this way some of the time. But I’m talking most of the time about someone (namely me) who has been balanced, in control, and pretty well up there.

Does this mean I have less value? Am I unreliable, or worse a liability.. god I shudder at the thought. No, of course not, it simply means I need to be measured, take extra care, don’t undertake too much (smile)

On the flip side I am more motivated, more determined, more driven than ever before. And my life is good, actually it’s better than good its great.

I am simply one of a very talented team here at Mine! Their understanding support and compassion is truly beyond belief. They hold the future of Mine! in their hands, and I cant think of a safer place for it to be. I am in their hands too now, how lucky I am.

PS If you have been recently diagnosed or are living with a negative condition and think I can help you in any way please don’t hesitate to contact me (I have a great recipe for brown bread ice cream)

A tough week…..

August 27, 2011 8 Comments

I kinda had a tough week. I can’t blame it on anyone or anything but in the end I am here pretty exhausted, and if I am honest a bit drained. Its my own fault, the usual tale, not enough sleep too many projects, too much in front of my PC. Too many contacts and too much flow one way. If you give of yourself then you must be prepared for it to be totally unconditional, that means you can’t then whine about it. This is not really a whine, its more a statement, and its not for you its for me ‘For gods sake woman….. SLOW DOWN’ Think she’ll listen (hears laughter) Nah I don’t think so either…..

371 I admit it, it matters…..

August 24, 2011

I can pretend to be all blase and cool about twitter and the game that is follow me dont follow me un-follow me which at worst is tiresome and at best funny… but I am affected by my followers have I got a bunch of machine generated auto twitter fans, or some unbelievable huge number that would crush me under the weight of twitter noise. Then you get that one, that makes you smile, that made me smile today. Someone you admire so much, someone who has had a major impact on your life. Someone kinda big. Following me. Right now. Follower 371. Well 371 if its an hour a day a week whatever… it was nice, really nice.

A rather odd day…

August 24, 2011

Yesterday, Tuesday was a day of highs and lows…. and it all rather gets too much, although extremes are good. I am not going to report on the lows, all of which were really sad, emotional and not to dwell on. The highs in brief were garlic stuffed olives, doing 2 blinding work calls (and being told work was up there…. nice) and disco lights. Disco lights and a laser to be exact now in my bedroom. The best place …. aside from the kitchen. Now I want a disco floor, under lit and a new bed, seen one round, low, leather built in speakers…. a snitch at £1.5k. I don’t have 1.5p and thats another story that goes into the low pile. Today, Wednesday my blog will tip into 16,000, not sure what I think about that. Our human thirst for having a window to peep into other people’s lives or the window openers. Voyeur and dancer. Of which I am both.

A missing plan…..

August 22, 2011 2 Comments

Too many people go missing, I keep finding that sadness in my life, indirectly. As I am 50% more likely to get Alzheimer’s then its a serious issue. I don’t want to be missing …. even if I have gone missing on purpose chances are I don’t want to be missing. So I am writing a plan, its not for publication its for the people who love me and care for me to follow should they need too. I am going to keep a copy in my handbag. And then forget about it.

(What I will include is stuff like where I find safe, what if I can’t communicate, how to reach out to me….. etc)

Post 600

August 21, 2011

Perhaps I should use this post to say something profound….. but then why is it we feel the need to be so outwardly facing. Our tweets, facebook and wordpress ‘personality’ is the shape we present, and what shape is that. Do I write like the real me, not always funny, or maybe not funny at all, not always thoughtful, engaging, provoking or even profound. Sounds like me. The moment this becomes about something else other than a collection of words principally for myself, or I start to analyze words until they look odd and cranky…Or worse re-write. Then the point is lost. So post 600 on a lovely day in Scotland, is simply what was in my head.

One fish two fish, red fish blue fish….. as Dr Seuss said….

August 19, 2011 4 Comments

I like Dr Seuss his better known titles like the Cat in the Hat are paled in my opinion by Horton the Elephant and ‘Daniel the gun trotting spaniel” anyhow this is neither about Elephants or dogs, its about a little blue fish. Who isn’t well. Now I’ve been officially ‘ill’ for 6 years and had symptoms for 8, and I was diagnosed at the age of 42. OK so thats pretty young to have a chronic illness. But its not 28. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Had I been 28 it would be the same situation, you can’t change it you simply need to dust yourself down and get on with living, as best as you can. Not easy, not easy at all. But not impossible either. To keep sunny side up you need I find to engage the world. You cannot shut yourself in a box in the hope that the light will find its way in. Nope you have to let the light in yourself. That won’t happen watching day time t.v. nor hiding away. What motivates you and me are completely different things, neither is wrong both are necessary. I love people, photography, cooking, writing, dancing… I laugh a lot, I’m really annoying in the mornings and I am increasingly untidy. I wake up everyday determined to do my best and to make a difference for someone. Little blue fish said I was making a difference for her, and thats just great. She’s great 🙂

The fragility of life…

August 14, 2011

I just heard that the young Man that this community has been searching for has been found, dead. I don’t know the details but it is a tragedy full stop. Parents are supposed to out live their children, and like my other friend Julie who lost her beautiful daughter last year as suddenly, lives will now change irrevocably. No we are not mortal, no we are not invincible, but most hope for a life where we have had the best chance. A positive thing must come from all this, it has to, for Jamie, for his family and for his friends. Even for a stranger like me who has been touched like so many. The balance has to shift once again otherwise we could never understand this world and its cruelty. It would be inappropriate to even think what that could be right now, the present is a dark enough place tonight. But I do know for sure it reminds me that every moment is precious, every day is a gift, and with each heart beat we should remember the grace and humility our parents instilled in us. We could gently pass forward to the young people around us, that is the comfort and safeness they need. Tonight as the sun goes down, I will be quiet, in a moment to myself. Remember who I am, all I wish to be and continue to do as I believe is right. Its the least I can do. Its what I know and right now I need to hang onto that. My deepest respect to those closest and those who loved. Humbly yours.

The Queen of confusion …. strikes again

August 12, 2011 1 Comment

I refer to blog entry Impact :: Why oh why do I write in riddles! Its not difficult to explain most things except if you are me. Firstly I never give advice about medication only a trained healthcare professional can do that.
What I am trying to say is this …. it is difficult for any of us to understand how another person feels when they are ill. It is easier for us to understand the impact on that persons life, as we can draw parallels. If you look at the impact of illness on your life you may find that somethings don’t impact at all and others are catastrophic. For me there are benefits in thinking like this.
1. I truly know what really bugs me
2. I can describe this more effectively
3. I can be treated more appropriately

So if someone says I am in pain,and it stops me from driving, that restricts my life. I may not understand the pain, but I understand how the impact is devastating and therefore how critical it is to find that person solutions.