From 2008 and my friend Bumble…
August 28, 2011
— Bumble Ward, memories, Parkinson's, Punk
The Art of Concealment
My friend Colleen, with whom I haven’t been in touch since school, recently found me on Facebook. She’s a brilliant girl and we used to be in a punk band together. She was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. This piece is from her blog:
The Art of Concealment
posted on 09/01/2008 by Colleen
Coming clean – a rather long blog
I don’t generally talk about my illness, as it is something I don’t think about much. It’s not because I am brave it’s simply because I am busy, and being busy is the number one tonic for anyone with any kind of negative condition, in my opinion.
However it can be easy for people to not to notice the daily struggle patients like myself have, and that’s in part testament to the success in people like me learning concealment.
Concealment is a trick we use to hide the real extent of our problems and issues. I deploy it because I don’t want to be rumbled, that way I can control the level of information I give out about myself and the timing of that information too.
It’s a tricky balance, I don’t want people to make allowances for me but the reality is I probably need them to have a level of understanding.
As we enter 2008 and I feel the changes more than ever, perhaps its time to come clean..
Coming clean is really just my way of providing an insight to some of the weird stuff I find going on aside from the body that simply wont do as its told, insomnia, lack of appetite, constant nausea, and frustration (oh and taking tablets that would knock out a horse). It is bound to take you by surprise as it sure as hell bamboozles me!
Dyslexia, words, which have been my friends for so long, now come to me all tangled up. Clear educated decision making used to come naturally now I can spend half an hour deciding what colour pants to put on.
Despite being in a room full of people, bright, animated, inspiring, I can feel utterly alone.
Multi tasking is no longer a gift, gone are the days of being on ebay, the mobile, applying lipstick and gesturing for a glass of wine in the same moment. Instead this has been replaced by being overwhelmed most of the time (did I mention my trick of opening a wine bottle with an umbrella…oh the skills you acquire from an expensive education thanks to Dad, The Malvern Hills and Andy Strange)
And on top of all this I am emotional, sensitive, can feel paranoid, loose my thoughts and words mid sentence, and forget the simplest thing. Ha ha some of you would say ‘but I’m like that’ sure most of us feel this way some of the time. But I’m talking most of the time about someone (namely me) who has been balanced, in control, and pretty well up there.
Does this mean I have less value? Am I unreliable, or worse a liability.. god I shudder at the thought. No, of course not, it simply means I need to be measured, take extra care, don’t undertake too much (smile)
On the flip side I am more motivated, more determined, more driven than ever before. And my life is good, actually it’s better than good its great.
I am simply one of a very talented team here at Mine! Their understanding support and compassion is truly beyond belief. They hold the future of Mine! in their hands, and I cant think of a safer place for it to be. I am in their hands too now, how lucky I am.
PS If you have been recently diagnosed or are living with a negative condition and think I can help you in any way please don’t hesitate to contact me (I have a great recipe for brown bread ice cream)